7S7D D4: “The Ropes”
There was a lot of exciting stuff about this song. I don't know, exciting to me only, maybe. Sometimes when I'm writing something, I'm dropping my head repeatedly on the coffee table like yesterday, and then something nice comes out of it and I sigh a big sigh of relief. THEN, sometimes, while I'm writing something my whole body starts buzzing in this weird way I can't explain- I don't want to stop... taking a bathroom break or even taking a sip of water seems like a waste of time. I am connected and attuned to something greater than myself. I like to think it's my personal musically spiritual trifecta of Patron Saints: Jeff-Judy-and the holyPrince - but maybe it's just adrenaline- that I'm on to something interesting and that any wrong move will make this song just like any other piece of crap.
This was the first time I decided to record in the stairwell of my apartment (so we have natural acoustics to thank for a nicer sounding live demo). I hope it's the first of many times - I don't know why it took me this long to figure out that I should do this. I'm sure my neighbors and my dogs are super pumped about it.
This was also the first time I used the new "prompt database" that I've been developing since January in the way that I intend to use it with The New Game. One positive development of this week has been that we've added some new members which I'm super excited about. SO - up until now I've been using the prompts we were supposed to use for January (that no one used, it wasn't just me), for March, but then realized if I use them all up in this 7-day experiment I will eventually have to deplete further prompts and just be sitting on stuff from this week the rest of the month, and that's no fun, certainly not for YOU since I need to be posting new songs once a week for you here even after this 7-day experiment. WHICH MEANS (rambling, forgive me) that I used a random number generator to decide on today's prompt from the batch of prompts I've gathered and the ones YOU'VE given me. Again, like I said, for me, exciting. So today's prompt was "The Ropes." Exciting because I didn't have any time at all to consider what that would mean or what I would write about.
I've mentioned it here before, but I should say again - I'm in a really good place romantically. Like, it's kind of unreal. Especially this week as I've been trying to draw from my own personal experiences (and there's certainly no shortage of back-catalogue traumas from which to draw) - at the end of these writing sessions, and particularly this one, I have to say, I feel incredibly lucky to have an amazing home team.
That probably seems mushy to you, it does to me, too, actually, as I type this, but the "motivation"/idea behind this song was an OLD breakup story. Ugh, I hope I don't have to go through it again anytime soon, but you know that sinking feeling you get when ... well... betrayal of any kind happens? You're like, "oh I'm here, just thinking things are this way... " and then BAM things totally aren't that way? Yeah. That was pretty much my love-life until Eddie. "Everything's great! Wait, oh, no, it's not? Okay. Wait-wut? Done. Over. Bye." Bummer.
Sure there is perhaps an exception or two where maybe my own faults had more to do with it, but, primarily- that's the overarching theme. Anyone who's been in the same position at any point will know what a thorn in the side it is. Thus - this song.
"let us raise a glass to hopeful lovers past"
I hope this will resonate with other people on the search for someone to pair-bond with, even after a bunch of failures. I held the hope that it would happen for me, and it finally did. I could have closed my heart off (not just my romantic life, my early life didn't exactly leave me super fuzzy, either, toward platonic or familial love), but the soft part in me somehow sustained, and I'm grateful for it. (Also, dogs.)
Isn't there something fascinating about how painful, how tumultuous, how horrid, really, that being a human and loving another human is?
Isn’t it awful that there's no right way of doing it? That there's never a way to feel safe? There's never a "winner." That's what this song is about.
How do we bear it? Our social conditioning must be incredibly powerful, or perhaps there is a greater to purpose to it than co-creating our species. I like to think so.
I hope you like this song. I'm excited to develop it a little more.
Thanks for helping to keep my vulnerable self safe in this crazy world,
Lex.
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